Addiction and Anger


Anger is a perfectly normal human feeling there are things that we’re all angry about. The behavior of our politicians in recent weeks has not been very edifying. I bet all of us have views on what should be done and some people would be really quite angry about that, you know, that we’ve been let down or sent up a blind alley or, you know, that we’ve finished up with policies that we really don’t agree with and that’s anger. That’s perfectly normal perfectly healthy.

If my wife was to side that she was going to throw me in and take up somebody else, I’d be very sad about  that but also I’d be a bit of me that’s angry because I haven’t misbehaved myself  just  recently. I don’t think I have. I’m not aware of it.

Part of me would say, “Hey, what’s going on? Who are you playing at? Why would you do? Those parts of me would angry as well as being very sad and I think you’d understand that. It would be perfectly reasonable.

This happens periodically, people for some reason, if they’re going to get angry here, they smash the telephone hoods. We got the telephones on the wall and there’s a hood comes over and people take a brick to the telephone hoods. I hope I’m not giving some of you ideas but that’s what they do.

They find that they want to work out the anger physically and it may be nothing whatever to do with us, it maybe something a family member said or something that they feel was unfair that they should have had the inheritance that they didn’t , you know, whatever, whatever, whatever but they get angry about it. That’s alright and banging the hoods isn’t. That’s actually taking it out physically on someone else and in that case on me.

The actual anger itself is okay. Here’s a bit of anger. Let’s put a bit of angry over here. Okay? There’s some anger. That’s alright. There’s nothing wrong with that, but what we do as addicts is to fuel it. We love it and we make it into resentment. We do that to it. We make it cover everything else. We become self-pitying and resentful, blaming and self-pitying.  It’s a pathetic thing that we do, really taking it out on ourselves and on everybody else.

So what we need to learn to do is to keep the anger nicely boxed in it. It’s a perfectly normal thing to have and we can express it and share it and talk about it and resolve it. But if we keep it and nurse it and feed it and make it into a resentment then we’re now causing damage primarily to ourselves.

Let me give you an example. Here’s a picture of me. That’s me, age eighteen and here is a homunculus, a little man in my head. That is my headmaster. I said to him, “I would like to study music “and he said to me, “We will not let you study music because music is for homosexuals and we do not have homosexuals in Mill Hill School.” The man’s a buffoon. The man’s an idiot.

Then why did I keep him in my head for another twenty years? He’s probably dead by then. Why did I choose that resentment? And anyone can see on that story, the man’s an idiot, but why would I choose to hold that in my head for another twenty years? I’m an idiot for doing. So resentments are always damaging, and what I’ve had to learn to do is to take that out. I don’t want him in there. I put him over here, that’s where he belongs and then I got a space for lots of lovely things. Here’s my wife, okay? I can put her in there and spend more time and energy and thought with her. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Much better than having the headmaster there.

I have learnt to be careful of what I keep in my head. I’ve got as anybody does all sorts of things happening at the moment. I don’t keep them in my head I write them down and I refer them to whoever is appropriate either the accountant or the lawyer or the architect or whatever. I refer them on. I don’t need to keep them there and nurse them and water them and feed them. I can let them go, provided I dealt with them appropriately and use professionals where appropriate.

And well there‘s nothing I can do. I just have to live with the damn thing. Okay, I just live with the damn thing, but I don’t do it on my own. The whole basis of the fellowships is having higher power them self. My higher power is you. You are my higher power, because I know if I behave badly you will frown and if I behave well you will smile. These are basic points. I don’t have any religious belief whatever.

I work the twelve step program and refer to God very happily but I have no religious belief. But I very much have a spiritual belief. I do believe I am part of a wider community. I do believe I need to interact with other human beings and in that way my higher power is very helpful and very practical.

So anger, well there are things I get angry about but like, you know, just political issues and things like that, but I don’t go and hit anybody.  I don’t feel a very boiling… and I haven’t had that since and for years. I just don’t want it. I can’t be bothered with it. I got better things…